Top 80 Poop Quotes & Sayings

To really make it look like Santa came, I put reindeer poop on the roof. It's just so cold up there with my pants down.

If you're really a mean person you're going to come back as a fly and eat poop.

Ram it up your poop chute.

The great thing about having a bunch of kids is they just remind you that you're the person who takes them to go poop!

Does koala bear poop smell like cough drops?

Sometimes on the journey, you step in dog poop. But you don't let the whole journey be about the fact that your shoe got poop on it.

The great thing about having a bunch of kids is that they just remind you that you're the person who takes them to go poop. That's who you are!

I poop in the backyard... I wear disposable diapers.

Grandchildren now don't write a thank you for the Christmas presents. They are walking on their pants with their cap on backward, listening to the Enema Man and Snoopy, Snoopy Poop Dog.

I respect so much the work that so many women do, but that's just not what I do. I have a job where I advertise yogurt that makes you poop, and people love it and tell me about their bowel movements, every day.

Dogs are animals that poop in public and you're supposed to pick it up. After a week of doing this, you've got to ask yourself, "Who's the real master in this relationship?"

Going into therapy doesn't guarantee poop on toast.

If you order a milkshake at a diner and they mix dog poop into it, you probably wouldn't drink it. If you go into a town with pollution, you may survive and have a good visit, but you risk being poisoned.

Some countries have more water than others - some can afford to use clean water to flush their poop away, and some can't.

I do love poop. I can't help it. The heart wants what it wants. I enjoy being clever and pithy and political, but nothing's going to get me like dumb stuff.

In my world, everyone's a pony and they all eat rainbows and poop butterflies!

You think, "Aw man, I would never want somebody else's poop on my hand," but when it's your child, "Oh, it's not that bad, I'll just wash it off."

Eat like a bird, poop like an elephant.

If some people think, "Why am I eating a dead bird soaked in poop?" I think if some people get disgusted by that, it's all to the good. Their coronary arteries will be healthier.

I was a walking, talking hunk of human poop.

I use an app called ChoreMonster. The kids earn points for brushing teeth or picking up the dog poop. It's genius.

I avoid the carwash when I think it might rain anytime in the near future, which means I drive around the majority of the time in a pollen and bird poop covered car. This presents a stand off between Neat Freakshow and Practical Pennypincher, and Neat Freak usually triumphs. And then it rains.

Everybody looks at their poop.

It is hard to get mad at Donald Trump for saying stupid things, in the same way you don't get mad at a monkey when he throws poop at you at the zoo... What does get me angry is the ridiculous, disingenuous defending of the poop-throwing monkey.

you aren't what you eat - you are what you don't poop.

Girls don't poop, so don't claim you do. You can fart - because farting is funny - but we don't want to know that you poop.

The fact that Gene Weingarten and I and Bathroom Inventory are now part of some kind of Matrix of Poop strongly suggests that the Pulitzer is not what it once was.

Sometimes, music is like poop. It just has to come out.

If all you do is follow the herd, you'll just be stepping in poop all day

I do not care about the greatest good for the greatest number . . . Most people are poop-heads I do not care about them at all.

I want to be remembered for my poop jokes. Those are the most important kind.

If you get made fun of working at Pier One Imports, you can't pelt them with poop.

Putting Windows [3.11] on top of DOS is like putting whipped cream on a road apple [horse poop].

I always have to poop right before I do a concert. I don't feel nervous, but I think that must be my body reacting.

My most smelly job was at a kennels and cattery, and I basically spent all day scooping poop.

I'm very happy and being raised Catholic I assume it will end tomorrow. The rug will be pulled out from under me and someone will say, now go to your real job, shoveling poop somewhere.

Marketing is essentially about feeding the poop back to diners fast enough to make them think they're still getting real food.

One side sticks to the facts, and the other side is close to playing with its poop.

Spend some time observing babies. They don't work; they poop in their pants, and they have no goals other than to expand, grow and explore this amazing world. Be like that baby you once were, in terms of being joyful.

Poop humor is fun. If you do the toilet scenes well and commit to them, they can be really, really powerful.

Innocent parents might have thought that a musical cartoon version of a fairy tale would be a child's ideal introduction to movie magic. Yet Walt Disney taught moral lessons in the most useful way: by scaring the poop out of the little ones.

What I've been telling everyone that loves Carolina football is that we are going to put a team out there that, number one, is in good shape. We're going to be fit, we are going to be able to play the whole game and we're not going to poop out.

We've got eight dogs, a cat, a turtle, kids... yeah we have a lot of dogs. It's a lot of fur, it's a lot of poop... and that's not even counting Robbie. He's the hairiest most feral animal of all.

Question: What is the white stuff in bird poop? Answer: That is bird poop, too.

"Glorious, stirring sight!" murmured Toad. . . . "The poetry of motion! The real way to travel! The only way to travel! Here today - in next week tomorrow! Villages skipped, towns and cities jumped- always somebody else's horizons! O bliss! O poop-poop! O my! O my!"

Woke up this morning to the incredible news that I was nominated for an Emmy, and a shower full of dog poop. Apparently my dog is so excited, she has explosive diarrhea. I truly could not be more thankful to the Emmy voters for including me in this brilliant company of extraordinary women. Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go clean up an enormous amount of dog poop out of my shower. Yay!

They tell you that at his age, all they do is eat, sleep, and poop. And what I've learned is they can actually do all three at the same time. Who knew?

Whenever I feel nervous, I feel like I have to poop.

If aliens are watching us through telescopes, they're going to think the dogs are the leaders of the planet. If you see two life forms, one of them's making a poop, the other one's carrying it for him, who would you assume is in charge?

I have a natural propensity to work on big piles of poop.

Why do I always meet women as I'm leaving the dog park with a big bag of poop? And it's always on the day I forgot my dog.

Farts and poop are still funny and will always be funny.

The last few years of my life have been a little like a long ride in a Poop de Ville with the bottom down.

My emoji vocabulary is pretty limited to, like, the smiling poop and the rainbow and a unicorn or something.

My life was once whiskey, tears and cigarettes... now it's snot, tears and a color of poop. Bliss. I do miss the whiskey, though.

I don't think twice about picking up my dog's poop, but if another dog's poop is next to it, I think, 'Eww, dog poop!

Bird Poop in the mouth is always a surprise.

We're wild horses. We're going to eat your food, knock down your tent and poop on your shoes. We're protected by federal law, just like Richard Nixon.

I tell a lot of fart and poop jokes. I can't help it. I have no filter, and it just comes out.

On one level, I am a total softie, sort of depressed and afraid of losing the people I love or failing them. To disguise that, there's all this harsh, poop-centric, external swagger, full of nastiness. I'm a cloaking device.