Top 31 Schmuck Quotes & Sayings

I'm not a schmuck. Even if the world goes to hell in a handbasket, I won't lose a penny.

The Eskimos have four hundred words for snow, and the Jewshave four hundred for schmuck.

Put two things together which have never been put together before, and some schmuck will buy it.

I was the oldest of seven kids, so I had no older brother who would say, 'Schmuck, don't do that.'

I know that it's probably not a good idea for a comedian, especially a satirist, to support a public policy group or a politician. This is something I learned only too well years ago when I did a fundraiser for Pol Pot. A few years later I saw 'The Killing Fields,' and I've got to tell you, I just felt like a schmuck.

I grew up in the world of bad television, on my dad's sets and then as a young schmuck on dating shows and so on.

How could you look at CM Punk and not think that he has the 'it' factor? I don't think I'm any great visionary or genius because I saw something in CM Punk; I think everyone else is a stupid schmuck for not seeing it in CM Punk.

I don't care who wins because I go to sporting events to scream. It's the one place on the planet you can shout anything you want. You can bellow at will, and nobody will bother you. I yell things like, 'My life sucks! Dan Quayle is a schmuck! If I don't have sex soon, I'm going to explode!' Parents turn to their kids as I leave the stadium and go, 'Hey, there goes a great fan.

Know your load. That's rule numero uno in this business, which is why I make them count the penguins out in front of me one at a time. I'm not going to be the schmuck who shows up in Orlando twobirds short of a dinner party....I know I'm pulling out of Houston with exactly forty-two Gentoo penguins, seventeen Jamaican land iguanas, four tuataras from New Zealand, and a pair of rare, civet-like mammals called linsangs. No more, no less.

Don't be the schmuck on the other side of the table. Don't get an interview with the guy. Be in the room with him while he's being interviewed by someone else.

Better to be king for a night than a schmuck for a lifetime.

In my opinion, one of the biggest drawbacks about Sergio Leone films are the scores composed by Ennio Morricone. If [Leone] were as talented as I am, he would have made mixtapes for his movies instead of letting some schmuck write the soundtracks for him. But then if he were as talented as I am, he'd be Zach Braff. And have his own Grammy.

I'm not expecting the American literary community to welcome me with open arms. To them I'm just some schmuck kid who wrote some book.

Yeah, I made it. It sneaks up on you. You're some schmuck and you wake up one day and you go, Good God, I'm the cheese.

It’s worth noting that you can devote your life to community service and be a total schmuck. You can spend your life on Wall Street and be a hero

My sister was brilliant: she was in the 25 top math students in the country. When she finished college, I said, 'Spend a couple of months here in Europe. You'll get another take on life.' She never came - married some schmuck who made clothes for fat women on Seventh Avenue.

Clinton's a schmuck.

Nothing pleases me more than when somebody who was awe-inspired to be working with me realizes I'm just another schmuck that they're bored of hanging out with on a set. I love that moment. I like it when that persistent illusion is smashed.

I'd always wanted to do a weekly strip, or a strip that was in installments like that. It's been fun trying to figure out how to make that work. Their standards are so prissy that they won't allow me to use all kinds of language. Not only can you not swear, this morning I was informed I couldn't use the word "schmuck." I couldn't use "crap," "schmuck," or "get laid." Those three were beyond the pale. But you get around that, and it comes out better. I can't quite explain why.

The days that you record by yourself, you feel like a crazy person because you're saying the same line, 10 different ways, or they ask you for 10 different grunting sounds and you just feel like such a schmuck. It's crazy! When there's other people there, it tethers you to something, in a nice way.

My feeling is that the hero has now been defined by phrases like the odious one that we were all raised with - crimes does not pay. Of course it pays, you schmuck. That's not why we don't do it. We don't do it because it is wrong.

I'm not some schmuck they just hired and threw down in the Performance Center and gave him an entrance or anything that like. I've been around enough and have enough experience; I know what I'm doing pretty much.

A scout troop consists of twelve little kids dressed like schmucks following a big schmuck dressed like a kid.

It’s the downside of a family business: anything good is because I’m somebody’s son; otherwise, I’m a schmuck.

I made the decision when I came to Seagram that it had to be OK that my public persona would be bad. It's the downside of a family business: anything good is because I'm somebody's son; otherwise, I'm a schmuck.

It’s such a floating freak show. You get a bit older and you start to see what’s going on backstage in the collective psyche of this ridiculous industry. … Nothing pleases me more than when somebody who was awe-inspired to be working with me realizes I’m just another schmuck that they’re bored of hanging out with on a set. I love that moment. I like it when that persistent illusion is smashed.

Dad sometimes patted me on the knee and called me his Little Schmuck.

A schmuck is a general term of disrespect. It's a term of contempt and derision. It applies to a lot of people.

'Thirteen' was really hard on my family. I wrote this movie about them and their flaws and imperfections and what it was like growing up. It was from one kid's perspective and not a well rounded one. You get older, and it's like, 'How dare I portray my father as being a totally vacant, careless schmuck?'

I have the love and respect of my wife and my kids. I could look in the mirror and I'm happy with that guy now. He's okay. He's not a schmuck.

When in doubt, parenthesize. At the very least it will let some poor schmuck bounce on the % key in vi.