Top 1200 Stand Up Comedian Quotes & Sayings - Page 14

I stand up all four quarters even when I'm not playing.

That is why I took up the gun - not to shoot, not to kill, not to destroy, but to stop those who would do evil, to protect the vulnerable, to defend democratic values, to stand up for the freedom we have to talk ... about how we can make the world a better place.

One of the first things that you learn as a stand-up is, you're the boss. It's your stage, and don't screw with me because I'll make you look bad, which I had to do, because you wind up with drunks and loud people.

Geezers might say, 'I wouldn't wear make-up even if I was going on TV,' but why not? You'll look better. I can most frankly be called a geezer - I've earned the right to be called a geezer, a proper stand-up guy, that kind of thing - and if I can wear make-up, so can you.'

The first time I saw my wife, Marjorie, I was doing stand-up in Memphis, and she was sitting in the front row. Afterward, I walked up and said, 'Ma'am, I'm going to marry you one day.' And 15 years later, I did.

I am not a joke-teller. Stand-up, I couldn't do.

Stand up for your values, be courageous and humble

The way I grew up and the neighborhood I come from, when you know somebody's beating you and you still let it happen, then you're a victim. You're no longer a man when you know something is happening and you don't stand up. So that's just how we raised.

There's something about doing stand-up that's cathartic.

When you stand up there on top of the world, you become so humble.

Stand up for what you believe in even if it causes waves.

The only negative about doing stand-up is that you're on the road by yourself. When you're on the road with comics we just crack each other up every night going, "Can you believe they're paying us to do this? They're crazy.

Stand up and walk out of your history

I'm attracted to men who are going to stand up to me.

Britain is at its best when we stand up for the values that we believe in.

I've told Michael Jackson jokes. If you got really technical, you could say those are jokes about child molestation. You could, if you got technical. A lot of this is just selective outrage because honestly, the audience are the ones that tell us that something shouldn't be spoken. The audience lets us know. And I've never, in my almost 30 years of being a comedian, seen a comedian continue to tell a joke that the audience doesn't respond to. I've never seen it.

When you really believe something, you need to stand up for it.

Stand up for what is right, regardless of who is committing the wrong.

I'm not going to freeze under the pressure. I'm hoping I can stand up to it.

I don't like doing stand-up, because I don't like standing up.

I'm a tulip in a cup. I stand no chance of growing up

I have strong views and beliefs. And I stand up for those.

I knew I had to be in football, but I didn't know what that looked like. I made a pact with myself that I would stand up for that challenge. I had no idea how big that would be. There were no jobs for women in football, and my work was elsewhere, but I kept with my passion, and thankfully, it ended up opening up doors.

Stand-up comedy is a raunchy profession.

No one can stand up to the extraordinary power of my fists.

In my stand-up, I generally improvise from an outline.

When I started in Canada, I just did stand-up.

As a company, I'm proud that Nike takes a stand on issues that impact all of us, our athletes, and society as a whole. And I am proud that Nike stands against discrimination in any form. We stand against bigotry. We stand for racial justice. We firmly believe the world can improve.

We all have to pick our battles. You've got to draw a line in the sand and stand firm. And it's this squishiness that's really the enemy, like, "Well, I don't know, it's kind of OK but I kind of feel guilty, and I kind of want a bran muffin, I don't know, and I'm wearing a vest; it's crocheted." Shut up. Just pick your battle and just stand there, and whatever you are going to do, own it.

If you feel good, you stand up a bit straighter.

Yet the summer which was to change everything was coming nearer every day. When boys and girls are growing up, life can't stand still, not even in the quietest of country towns; and they have to grow up, whether they will or no. That is what their elders are always forgetting.

Being on TV sucks. It's a lot of work. You memorize scripts and then you show up and they change everything. I'm a control freak. When I'm doing stand-up, I say what I want and then I get instant feedback.

If you see me up there on the stand smiling, I'm lost!

I knew I wanted to be a performer and do comedy at 5 years old. My dad's wife, Marlene Rosenbaum, was boiling water and she goes, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I said, "A comedian." And she laughed and laughed because she thought that was the cutest, funniest thing.

I don't care much for facts, am not much interested in them, you can't stand a fact up, you've got to prop it up, and when you move to one side a little and look at it from that angle, it's not thick enough to cast a shadow in that direction.

I think the theater is where you stand up, and you say, 'Here is what I have to offer.'

I appreciate people trying to stand up for animals.

I didn't really like the aloneness of doing stand-up.

I think in doing stand-up there are no rules and there's no architecture.

Richard Pryor is my favorite stand-up ever.

No marriage can stand up under the strain of incessant association.

You have to stand up for what's right in life. Unless you do that... you're nothing.

Normal people don't become stand-up comedians.

He slides into second with a stand-up double.

I started doing stand-up in college.

I don't necessarily have a traditional stand-up set.

People have this misconception that I'm going to beat them up when I meet them. But it's like... no. Just 'cause I stand up for myself, and I'm honest, that doesn't mean I'm going to beat people up all the time.

Be strong, know who you are, no be shame, stand up, e ala e.

You're a coward if you don't stand up. Not for you, but for women. Say something.

If you look up, and you see that all of a sudden the world is really coming down on people with brown hair, I would think the people with black hair would look at that and go, 'Well, that could be me, and so, I shouldn't stand for that any more than those people with brown hair stand for it.'

The first time I did stand-up was on a dare.

When millions of people stand up and fight...they win.

I want to stand up for Britain's national interests.

I was actually pretty shy in school. My defense mechanism was to be the class clown. I remember getting into a lot of trouble for being disruptive, and I was brought in front of the headteacher, who said: 'What's going to happen to you; what are you going to do when you grow up?' and I said: 'Well, I'm obviously going to be a comedian.'

Stand up for what you believe in, because you can fall for anything.

I think I always stand up for what I believe in.

Now obviously popularity isn't everything when it comes to stand up comedy, but the art form itself is better today than it ever has before. I think there are more great comics. I think the standard is higher. The critical analysis is a little harsher, but that is also good. Maybe people have a higher standard than before, maybe they are a little more judgmental, a little more brutal, that makes people work harder. It makes the stand up better.

Actually I never did stand up. I'm not that funny.

The first time I saw my wife, Marjorie, I was doing stand-up in Memphis, and she was sitting in the front row. Afterward, I walked up and said, "Ma'am, I'm going to marry you one day". And 15 years later, I did.

My sense of stand up comedy would be so esoteric.