Top 1200 Stupid Jokes Quotes & Sayings - Page 20

Half of the time I don't know what they're talking about; their jokes seem to relate to a past that everyone but me has shared. I'm a foreigner in the world and I don't understand the language.

I think I have a reputation for being really serious. In interviews I use big words, but I'm just an emotional goofball. I play practical jokes all the time.

If parents snicker at racial and gender jokes, another generation will pass on the poison adults still have not had the courage to snuff out.

I don't feel pressure, I think there's fun to have. And I want to show that being gay and of color doesn't have to be a sob story all the time. It can actually be really jokes and empowering.

You all watched a sketch about feminism and you didn't even know it because of all the jokes. It's like when Jessica Seinfeld puts spinach in kids' brownies. Suckers!

Stupid people shouldn’t breed.

I keep getting these people at my shows who only know me from television. I can always tell when they're, like, emotionally flinching when I start doing my jokes.

I think the more the actor lets you know what he thinks of the character, the less the audience cares - like a comedian who laughs at his own jokes.

Being on stage, telling jokes and telling stories is where I feel the most at home.

Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me.

The editor of a newspaper, who is an old friend, asked me to write a column. According to her, I cracked lame jokes all the time and read voraciously.

I sent an ex of mine an enormous oil painting of me as a housewarming gift. It was one of the most elaborate and time-consuming practical jokes I've ever done.

There was laughter in the back of the theater, leading to the belief that someone was telling jokes back there.

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.

I'm always ready for TV. I don't have to edit my jokes - when you work clean, you can work anywhere.

Perhaps our Irish friends should not so completely turn their backs on their historical dishes, no matter how many jokes they might have to endure.

I don't like long jokes. I like stories rather than setup punchlines.

Anything where I get to write a lot of jokes and have a lot of creative control - that's all I want.

I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes.

Humor is his defense mechanism, so that would allow me to talk about some serious subjects, but get a lot of hilarious jokes in.

Years ago, I was always serious, and now I chuckle and make jokes to create a calm environment because 'WrestleMania' can be a high-pressure atmosphere.

There's no harm in talking to yourself, but try to avoid telling yourself jokes you've heard before.

Sometimes we have to actually say, I think you're really funny, but none of your jokes are going to make it on the air. So just answer my questions. Seriously.

I have never felt comfortable around people who talk about their feelings for Jesus, or any other deity for that matter, because they are usually none too bright... Or maybe "stupid" is a better way of saying it; but I have never seen much point in getting heavy with either stupid people or Jesus freaks, just as long as they don't bother me. In a world as weird and cruel as this one we have made for ourselves, I figure anybody who can find peace and personal happiness without ripping off somebody else deserves to be left alone. They will not inherit the earth, but then neither will I.

I used to love 'Murphy Brown' as a kid. I didn't even understand half of the jokes that were going on, but I loved the character so much that they stood out.

Bans are laws for the stupid.

I'm not particularly fond of Shoah jokes, yet there is one I cannot forget: Why was Auschwitz an optimistic place? Because all the pessimists were already in New York by then.

There have always been jokes all over our songs; I originally started writing lyrics to make my friends crack a smile, which is difficult.

I'll be 50 years old tomorrow and that means, among other things, that now Bob Dole can start telling jokes about me.

People make jokes about how black people are the first ones to be killed off.

I was, like, this tiny little kid that was goofy and would always crack jokes or sit in the back of class and not listen to anything that the teacher was saying.

Being anti-war in Hollywood was an act of bravery on the order of the keynote speaker at a PLO dinner making jokes about Ariel Sharon.

You can make a movie that's more focused on the jokes, but Young Adult was not that kind of movie.

I've just never been a person that was political or religiously savvy. Except for the fact that I was born Jewish. That gives me 10 circumcision jokes.

Overseas, language barriers keep me from doing a lot of talking and some of the jokes that I think are funny and they're like crickets. I have to sharpen up on that.

You can never have a thousand percent batting average on jokes - it's just never going to happen.

I have never fully exorcised shames that struck me to the heart as a child except through written violence, shadowy caricature, and dark jokes.

I was the kid who always hung back and then dropped the jokes when you least expected it. Timing was everything. My mouth sort of developed over time.

I am the illegal alien of commentary. I will do the jokes that no one else will do.

I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes.

Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'

One thing House needs Wilson for is vanity. He needs someone to laugh at his jokes.

Stupid people are dangerous.

Humans are lazy but not stupid.

I was pretty locked up emotionally as a kid - my family situation was tumultuous. But I was extroverted. So when I was in pain, I would tell jokes instead of expressing myself.

Jokes of the proper kind, properly told, can do more to enlighten questions of politics, philosophy, and literature than any number of dull arguments.

A mimicry artiste should be spontaneous and he should be able to crack jokes on the spot.

All I care about is making jokes that are funny and making people laugh.

I think people like musicals. And when done with a modern comedic sensibility, musical comedy can be the most efficient delivery of both storytelling and jokes.

Comedy, at least the way I write comedy, is just drama with jokes.

Every sketch goes through a rewrite stage where a group of writers sits around a table and pitches more jokes and ideas for the piece.

I'm not big on fat jokes. That's a little beneath me. I'm not a huge fan of making a joke - and as I say this, I'm sure I do it - completely at someone else's expense.

I guess I tell jokes a lot, but I'm not really that sure because sometimes they don't laugh, and they just stare at me like I said something insulting.

I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.

There is stupid. And then there is cyberstupid.

I'm not Mr. Debonair Suave. I'm just a regular boy who goofs around, pulls pranks, and makes jokes. That doesn't sound very hot to me.

I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.

You write the script, and then you just go over it 400 times and make all the jokes better. It really is true. That's essentially the way it works.

Alpha children wear grey. They work much harder than we do, because they're so frightfully clever. I'm awfully glad I'm a Beta, because I don't work so hard. And then we are much better than the Gammas and Deltas. Gammas are stupid. They all wear green, and Delta children wear khaki. Oh no, I don't want to play with Delta children. And Epsilons are still worse. They're too stupid to be able to read or write. Besides they wear black, which is such a beastly color. I'm so glad I'm a Beta.