Top 539 Toilet Quotes & Sayings

We'll send you a Hogwarts toilet seat!

In captivity, one loses every way of acting over little details which satisfy the essentials of life. Everything has to be asked for: permission to go to the toilet, permission to ask a guard something, permission to talk to another hostage - to brush your teeth, use toilet paper, everything is a negotiation.

What they have done in Japan, which I find so inspirational, is they've brought the toilet out from behind the locked door. They've made it conversational. People go out and upgrade their toilet. They talk about it. They've sanitized it.

The first beat that I ever made that I thought was actually worth a damn was called 'Toilet Paper Nostrils,' and I made it when I had a cold. I had the worst cold ever. And I had toilet-paper nostrils making music, but it was really reflective of how I felt. It was a really sad trumpet sound.

One of the most jolting days of adulthood comes the first time you run out of toilet paper. Toilet paper, up until this point, always just existed. And now it's a finite resource, constantly in danger of extinction, that must be carefully tracked and monitored, like pandas?

I was the only westerner to succeed in a place that's like a toilet, and you always come out of a toilet with a smell.

The Internet is a toilet. It is.

Well, one of the myths early on that I think is one of the funnier things we've done is airline toilet seats. That one was about a large woman that sat down on a seat in an airline and flushed the toilet and got stuck on it.

I used to learn my lines on the toilet, in the car, at dinner.

Life before toilet paper was not worth living.

I always have my best thoughts on the toilet.

As he flushed, an unexpected realization hit him. This is the Pope's toilet, he thought. I just took a leak in the Pope's toilet. He had to chuckle. The Holy Throne.

If all you do is talk crap, I'll just flush the toilet.

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper

Being on the toilet stool is the grossest thing there is, to me.

When my kids were younger, I used to avoid them. I used to sit on the toilet 'til my legs fell asleep. You want to know why your father spends so long in the toilet? Because he's not sure he wants to be a father.

You're so full of crap, you could pass for a toilet.

Montague's just been found in a toilet, Sir.

Books Are Good For Lots Of Uses, Not For Dropping In The Toilet.

My country is in the toilet. And when my country is in the toilet, the world is in the toilet.

I do all my interviews on the toilet.

Still blows my mind that toilet paper isn't free.

It's obvious for example that when I am Conchita, I use the female toilet, and when I am Tom, the male toilet. I can assure you it's never a problem for women, they love it.

All my good reading, you might say, was done in the toilet. There are passages in Ulysses which can be read only in the toilet - if one wants to extract the full flavor of their content.

We actually had a toilet on the sideline in college. We had like a little mini-toilet; we'd go and flush it.

Now, you two – this year, you behave yourselves. If I get one more owl telling me you've – you've blown up a toilet or –" "Blown up a toilet? We've never blown up a toilet." "Great idea though, thanks, Mum.

I cleaned many a toilet.

How'd we come up with the robe? Was some guy just like, 'Hey, I've got an idea! Why don't we make a coat out of a towel? You can have a little belt that goes around. You could dunk the belt in the toilet! Have a toilet belt.'

Future generations are going to look at the way we make toilet paper as one of the greatest excesses of our age. Making toilet paper from virgin wood is a lot worse than driving Hummers in terms of global warming pollution.

Man who stands on toilet, gets high on pot!

What was wrong with train toilet doors that just locked, instead of this multiple choice system? If anything goes wrong, you'll be sitting there while the whole toilet wall slowly slides away, unveiling you like a prize on a quiz show. For 500 points, a shitting woman!

Toilet paper - and no baby wipes - in the bathroom. If they're using dry paper, they aren't washing all of themselves. It's just unclean. So if I go in a woman's house and see the toilet paper there, I'll explain this. And if she doesn't make the adjustment to baby wipes, I'll know she's not completely clean.

You can flush my ashes down the toilet, for all I care.

I remember Tallulah (Bankhead) telling of going into a public ladies' room and discovering there was no toilet tissue. She looked underneath the booth and said to the lady in the next stall, 'I beg your pardon, do you happen to have any toilet tissue in there?' The lady said no. So Tallulah said, 'Well, then, dahling, do you have two fives for a ten?'

The average human being spends three years of life going to the toilet, though the average human being with no physical toilet to go to probably does his or her best to spend less. It is a human behavior that is as revealing as any other about human nature, but only if it can be released from the social straitjacket of nicety.

Stay humble as a writer: write on toilet paper.

Don't get married in a house where there is no toilet.

The Pacific is the best toilet for satellites.

I don't know if he needs a tic tac or toilet paper.

If you can see the handwriting on the wall... you're on the toilet.

I was swinging like a toilet door on a prawn trawler.

Endangered forests are being slaughtered for toilet paper.

I think it's weird going to the toilet in clothes. I don't like it.

We're going right down the toilet, and it's a made-in-China toilet.

I'd grown up thinking that a [sanitary toilet] was my right, when in fact it's a privilege - 2.5 billion people worldwide have no adequate toilet.

House Republicans are flimsier than toilet paper, except toilet paper actually has use. They're so pathetic.

Freshly brainwashed from rehab, I carry the bottle into the bathroom. I hold it up to the light. See the pretty bottle? Isn't it beautiful? Yes, it's beautiful. I unscrew the cap and pour it into the toilet. I flush twice. And then I think, why did I flush twice? The answer, is of course, because I truly do know myself. I cannot be sure I won't attempt to drink from the toilet, like a dog.

She used my toothbrush to clean the toilet.

Yup, the toilet is my best friend before a show.

Like when I'm in the bathroom looking at my toilet paper, I'm like 'Wow! That's toilet paper?' I don't know if we appreciate how much we have.

All my good reading, you might say, was done in the toilet.

Bangkok is a toilet without a flush.

I'm not a person that thinks back in the first place. I think forward. And it's always been less that people didn't get the character, but more people being mad that the movie fell short. Or people would say they are glad the movie went in the toilet. And I totally agree with them. I think there are some movies I made that it was a good thing they went into the toilet, because they weren't good enough. The director f - -ed up, or the production was too small, or I screwed up, whatever the reasons are.

I was focused on building things from an early age. When I was about 3, our toilet broke, and my mother was ready to call the plumber. I told her I would fix it and asked her to get my Richard Scarry book 'How Things Work in Busytown.' Between the picture of a toilet and the text she read to me explaining how the parts worked, I fixed it.

Don't get me started on cold toilet seats.

You can't put toilet paper in the toilet [in the space ship], so there's a separate vacuum can in front of you on the wall and when you're done, you put the toilet paper in there and seal that up.

The hardest thing is when you're in public, and you need to go to the toilet, and someone asks for a photo. And their phone is either flat, dead, or they've turned it off completely. You're trying to rush to the toilet, and they want your autograph - and I hate saying no, I feel so bad.

I like getting toilet paper thrown at me.

We're going right down the toilet, and it's a made-in-China toilet. I teach MBAs. And I noticed, starting a few years after China joined the World Trade Organization, that a lot of my students were no longer employed. They were still coming to get their MBA, but they'd lost their jobs.

Time kept on and on like the cheapest toilet paper.