Top 1200 Toilet Seat Quotes & Sayings - Page 4

If we all had all we wanted to eat, we'd crap too much. We'd have inflation in the toilet paper industry.

Liberals retain a totemic attachment to the Freudian idea that traumatic toilet training is destiny.

One time I tried to use the bathroom in the dark, and I missed the toilet, and I fell on the floor.

France is a place where the money falls apart in your hands but you can't tear the toilet paper.

[Americans] can't understand that the water in our toilet is cleaner than 880 million have access to.

When God closes a door, he opens a window. Sounds to me like he's on the toilet.

The burden of keeping three people in toilet paper seemed to me rather a heavy one.

If you're embarking around the world in a hot-air balloon, don't forget the toilet paper.

Can't nobody [mess] with me. I'm like toilet paper, Pampers and toothpaste. I'm definitely proven to be effective.

But, dear God, don't listen to me. I'm an old lady in the middle of nowhere without a real toilet.

I propose a limitation be put on how many squares of toilet paper can be used in any one sitting.

I never settled because I wasn't meant to pack toilet rolls or stack shelves.

Most public bathrooms now have automatic toilet sensors. People can't even be trusted to flush.

Never give an artist like me carte blanche: he would think it's simply toilet paper.

I've learned that life is like a roll of toilet paper. The closer it gets to the end, the faster it goes.

Most of the time he [Marlon Brando] sounds like he has a mouth full of toilet paper.

Acting is invigorating. But I don't analyse it too much. It's like a dog smelling where it's going to do its toilet in the morning.

People forget what a big issue toilet training is for adults and kids, and it is not fun, especially when you're in a car on the interstate.

There’s nothing here,” Carter said. “What do you want?” I asked. “We’ve got wax, some toilet papyrus, an ugly statue.

As with marathon runs and lengths of toilet paper, there had to be standards to measure up to.

Did you ever notice that America is shaped like one big, giant toilet bowl?

We once installed a $1.49 trap in a woman's toilet and she never had ghost problems again.

For some reason, the only Swedish I know how to say is, 'There is no toilet paper.'

I’ll flush a copy of my bill down the toilet. You should be getting it in a couple of days.

With what hope can we endeavor to persuade the ladies that the time spent at the toilet is lost in vanity.

Maybe humans are just the pet alligators that God flushed down the toilet.

From the stage I've seen people of all ages absolutely roaring at really good toilet humour.

The octogenarians who have pictures of Hillary Clinton under their toilet-bowl covers - they've completely accepted me.

There is only one immutable law in life - in a gentleman's toilet, incoming traffic has the right of way.

Today, the degradation of the inner life is symbolized by the fact that the only place sacred from interruption is the private toilet.

I am proud to say that I plastic-wrapped Bruno Ricci's toilet in his trailer.

Castro couldn't even go to the bathroom unless the Soviet Union put the nickel in the toilet.

I'm an intense singer, so I look like I need the toilet every time I hit a high-note.

New York, like London, seems to be a cloacina [toilet] of all the depravities of human nature.

I was born in a house without a light or a toilet, so why would I forget who I am or where I come from?

Remember, if you write anything nasty about me, I'll come around and blow up your toilet.

That guy behind me on the airplane? He's been kicking my seat because he hates me. He's kicking my seat because he hates me and I'm gonna kill him. When we get off this plane, I'm gonna make eye contact. I'm gonna kill that guy. And all of that is just stuff in my head, but it's good to get rid of that stuff.

Maybe I've moved to the dark side, but it's clean and nice and we never run out of toilet paper.

What a relief. I didn't have to check the toilet for anything or the light bulbs or the phone. It was just good old-fashioned friendship.

You do not get gold stars for cleaning your toilet. In actual life, there is a depressing lack of stickers.

When I started as a color man in the booth with CBS, I would make footballs out of a roll of toilet paper.

When someone follows you all the way to the shop and watches you buy toilet roll, you know your life has changed.

I cut coupons, love specials and believe in buying toilet paper and toothpaste in bulk. It's just who I am.

I can tell you, going out to buy toilet paper in the U.S. is a completely predictable experience.

If you don't want your dog to have bad breath, do what I do: Pour a little Lavoris in the toilet.

You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.

I was sitting in the toilet and I was by myself. I was tired of playing with the roller, so I said I'd better write a book.

Teddy said it was a hat, So I put it on. Now dad is saying, "where the heck's the toilet plunger gone?

In many parts of the world, more people have access to a mobile device than to a toilet or running water...

When you get out of the driver's seat, you find that life can drive itself, that actually life has always been driving itself. When you get out of the driver's seat, it can drive itself so much easier-it can flow in ways you never imagined. Life becomes almost magical. The illusion of the “me” is no longer in the way. Life begins to flow, and you never know where it will take you.

I live with three boys, and I can't tell you how hard it is to get your hands on toilet paper. They steal it.

I have always had a ridiculous fear that I will walk into the bathroom one morning and find a python in my toilet.

In my childhood, we had only one toilet. It was my dream then to have a good bathroom where you can have undisturbed bath.

You know you're lazy when you run out of toilet paper and use the cardboard roll to wipe with.

A cat is the only domestic animal I know who toilet trains itself and does a damned impressive job of it.

Literature has nothing to do with usefulness; the most useful place in any house is the toilet.

I've fixed the toilet. And I've been crawling in claustrophobic places... you have to deal with that when you become a homeowner.

The humble latrine, or flush toilet, reduces disease by twice as much as just putting in clean water.

No, Hal Needham without Burt Reynolds has not done well. 'Megaforce' went right in the toilet.

In many parts of the world, more people have access to a mobile device than to a toilet or running water.