Top 186 Waiter Quotes & Sayings

The best number for a dinner party is two; myself and a damn good head waiter.

Epitaph for a dead waiter - God finally caught his eye.

A good setter is like a waiter.

A diplomat these days is nothing but a head waiter who's allowed to sit down occasionally.

A Cannibal is a person who walks into a restaurant and orders a waiter.

When I was a waiter, I wanted to be the best waiter I could be and worked to be better at it every day.

How someone treats a waiter or doorman can tell you so much about a person.

I am one of those who like to stay late at the cafe," the older waiter said. "With all those who do not want to go to bed. With all those who need a light for the night." "I want to go home and into bed." "We are of two different kinds," the older waiter said. He was now dressed to go home. "It is not only a question of youth and confidence although those things are very beautiful. Each night. I am reluctant to close up because there may be someone who needs the cafe.

I've been auditioning since I was 20, working as a waiter, getting theater gigs, doing the 'Law and Order's.

Robert Whitmore died of apoplexy when a stranger from Georgia mistook him for a former Macon waiter.

Hold the newsreader's nose squarely, waiter, or friendly milk will countermand my trousers.

I was a terrible waiter.

Waiter trainers claim that an investment in education pays off very quickly for restaurants.

The waiter brought fresh-baked bread and cheese, a bottle of sparkling water for Annabeth, and a Coke with ice for me (because I’m a barbarian).

If I'm brought the wrong order at a restaurant, I don't send it back, because I don't want the waiter to get mad at me.

A critic at best is a waiter at the great table of literature.

Last night I ordered a whole meal in French. Even the waiter was amazed - it was a Chinese restaurant!

If I can't eat the meal in a restaurant, and the waiter asks, 'Is everything all right, Madam?', I tell them that I'm on a diet.

I did quite a lot of menial jobs. I was a waiter, an inventory clerk touring round properties listing cups and saucers, and a laserquest marshal.

I was working in restaurants as a captain and as a waiter.

Twenty percent? What am I, your waiter? I got you five vampires, not a BLT.

I was a lousy waiter, dealing with people and having people in your face like that.

A Panda walks into a cafe. He orders a sandwich, eats it, then draws a gun and fires two shots into the air. "Why?" asks the confused waiter, as the panda makes toward the exit. The panda produces a badly punctuated wildlife annual and tosses it over his shoulder. "I'm a Panda," he says, at the door. "Look it up." The waiter turns to the relevant entry, and, sure enough, finds an explanation. Panda. Large black and white bear-like mammal, native to China. Eats, shoots and leaves.

Well, isn't Bohemia a place where everyone is as good as everyone else - and must not a waiter be a little less than a waiter to be a good Bohemian?

I must be cheaper now than I was ten years ago in order to get a laugh. It's not funny now if I leave the table and give the waiter a nickel tip, which was a laugh years ago. Today I must maneuver it so that somehow I get the waiter to give me a nickel tip.

When you find a waiter who is a waiter and not an actor, writer, musician or poet, you've found a jewel.

Insanity hovered close at hand, like an eager waiter at an expensive restaurant.

...Hardly. A ragged apron does not a waiter make.

If you wait for inspiration to write you're not a writer, you're a waiter.

The really good thing about my career is that I never went through a phase where I played characters who had names like "Partygoer," "Waiter," or "Guy #1."

It is a good thing that life is not as serious as it seems to a waiter.

The little waiter's eyebrows wandered about his forehead in confusion.

Restaurants should be democratic; you shouldn't be made to feel privileged for getting a table or being lectured by the waiter.

I never taste the wine first in restaurants, I just ask the waiter to pour.

If a guy treats me respectfully and the waiter demeaningly, I'm turned off.

I worked as a waiter when I was 15 and got a chance to appreciate good, simple food. There's nothing better than a boiled egg with toast.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

When I go to a restaurant I always ask the manager, "Give me a table near a waiter."

They were tough times and I started working when I was 10 years old, delivering papers and eventually becoming a waiter.

I wanna try being a waiter at restaurant or work to introduce Korea to other people!

I left school at 16 and skipped university to work, initially as a waiter. I think I missed out on what would have been great years.

I had a little delivery van, and I did work around Queens. I was also a waiter at Red Lobster, so I was working on the business in between jobs.

With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

When I was a waiter I was fired twice from the same restaurant. I guess I was that good of an actor but that bad of a waiter.

I definitely had fun being a waiter. I can't say for sure that I was a good waiter. I think that I made people have a good time.

Have you ever noticed that the waiter who takes your order is not the one who brings your food anymore? What is THAT about? And which waiter are you tipping, anyway? I think next time I go to a restaurant I'll just say, "Oh, sorry, I only eat the food. The guy who pays the bill will be along shortly."

A diplomat these days is nothing, but a head waiter who is allowed to sit down occasionally.

I was a waiter before 'The Office,' so to me, this was a winning lottery ticket. Everything about my life has changed.

I worked at Starbucks, I was a waiter, a bartender and a valet, sometimes working 2 to 3 jobs at a time while getting a lot of 'no's' as an actor.

I was a pretty damn good waiter.

It didn't get any more glamorous than Havana, Cuba, in the 1950s. I used to go there when I was a waiter on a cruise ship.

I'm almost 40, so it's an awkward time in my career. You kind of hope it comes through and, if not, I'll be a waiter. Awesome.

[To waiter who had spilled soup on her:] Never darken my Dior again!

When somebody is a little bit wrong - say, when a waited puts nonfat milk in your espresso macchiato, instead of lowfat milk - it is often quite easy to explain to them how and why they are wrong. But if somebody is surprisingly wrong - say, when a waiter bites your nose instead of taking your order - you can often be so surprised that you are unable to say anything at all. Paralyzed by how wrong the waiter is, your moth would hang slightly open and your eyes would blink over and over, but you would be unable to say a word.

Or more precisely, is there anything I can do for you, ma’am? (Waiter) ‘How about a bag for my head, or a stick to beat Lanie with?’ (Grace)

If you're a waiter, the worst thing you can do is go to work resenting your job. This will sound trite - but it's the reality, and part of my personality - yet when I was a waiter, I tried to be the best waiter, and when I was a bingo-caller I tried to be the best bingo-caller.

If you wait for inspiration, you're not a writer, but a waiter.

I'm an assistant storyteller. It's like being a waiter or a gas-station attendant, but I'm waiting on six million people a week, if I'm lucky.

I was an amazing bartender and a great waiter. I think, in a way, that was my acting school.

Lie and tell the waiter that you're deathly allergic to butter. This way you can enjoy the steak without all the excess fat.