Top 1200 Wise Ass Quotes & Sayings - Page 14

You can stay and die or you can walk your ugly ass back through that gate. It's your call, pal.

It's possible that I shall make an ass of myself. But in that case one can always get out of it with a little dialectic. I have, of course, so worded my proposition as to be right either way.

Christ rode on an ass, but now asses ride on Christ.

Look at me. I’m skinny, I have a big nose, no tits and no ass, but in a room full of beautiful women, I would still leave with the most gorgeous guy.

As my late mother famously observed, the one thing to be said for growing old is that every year there are a few more things I don’t have to give a rat’s ass about.

The thirst for knowledge is like a piece of ass you know you shouldn't chase; in the end, you chase it just the same.

I had a dream once. I wanted to do a line of cocaine off a hooker's ass. That's when I realized, 'Hey, I'm freakin' Zach Braff.' I did it the next morning.

Free your mind and your ass will follow

You should never assume. You know what happens when you assume. You make an ass out of you and me because that's how it's spelled.

The art and act of writing - speaking just for myself - involves getting your proverbial ass in the proverbial chair.

The gentle reader will never, never know what a consummate ass he can become until he goes abroad.

I love training and I love being able to kick ass.

I don't think that there's that much difference between a photograph of a fist up someone's ass and a photograph of carnations in a bowl.

Those back-to-back experiences confirmed what I already knew: That I was a shitty-ass employee and I'd better start my own business.

They asked me why I was wearing heels, and I said, I'm trying to hide my ass. They gave me a prosthetic behind.

If I go out with a jacket and a pair of trousers that my wife doesn't like, you can bet your ass it ain't in my wardrobe the following day. I say that it gets lost in the sky.

All I have learned in life really just boils down to this: there is only one difference between the so-called wise and the so-called foolish...and between those who are truly happy and those who are not. Those who are wise - and those who are happy - embrace and appreciate life. Those who are unhappy and unwise do not. That is all; that is the only difference.

Oh, we're playing nice now? Shall we have tea first? Brew up a nice pot of kiss-my-ass?

Angels are totally real. Tinkerbell has a hot ass. Wendigos exist. It's all true. Satan is blonde. True fact.

Never ASSUME, because when you ASSUME, you make an ASS of U and ME.

It is commonly, but erroneously, believed that it is easy to ask questions. A fool, it is said, can ask questions that a wise man cannot answer. The fact is that a wise man can answer many questions that a fool cannot ask.

Put your ass where your heart wants to be.

I'm here to chew gum and kick some ass, and I'm all out of gum.

Most fighters are the most humble people in the world because they've gotten their ass kicked before.

Words matter. Especially if you're kicking someone's ass in words with friends.

Writing and travel broaden your ass if not your mind and I like to write standing up.

Guys. If your pants are below your ass you have no right to accuse any lady of dressing slutty.

The men are much alarmed by certain speculations about women; and well they may be, for when the horse and ass begin to think and argue, adieu to riding and driving.

There ain't no way I'm going to be droppin' nothing. If I was in my twenties, maybe. But now I try to keep it looking decent. I don't want to expose too much of my bare ass.

I seen her on the ave, spotted her more than once. Ass so fat that you could see it from the front.

Let me realize that my past failures at follow-through are no indication of my future performance. They're just healthy little fires that are gonna warm up my ass

I had no administrative function at the New Yorker. I am what we used to call in construction back in Kansas City where I grew up "a dog-ass subcontractor."

The errors of a wise man are literally more instructive than the truths of a fool. The wise man travels in lofty, far-seeing regions; the fool in low-lying, high-fenced lanes; retracing the footsteps of the former, to discover where he diviated, whole provinces of the universe are laid open to us; in the path of the latter, granting even that he has not deviated at all, little is laid open to us but two wheel-ruts and two hedges.

Every time I sit down with him, I know why he is who he is, and that's really cool. It's a great feeling. It sucks because I'm so not an ass-kisser, but he's George Lucas.

Can you imagine a 6 year old banging all day on a drum kit. I do have photos of me in my sort of princess girly bedroom with a bad-ass sparkle set.

Then if he's sore with me, let him dump my ass. That will just give me more time to be a genius.

I'd like to thank my family for loving me and taking care of me. And the rest of the world can kiss my ass.

Shine it up real nice, turn it sideways, and stick it straight up your candy ass!

Some people think a song without words isn't a real song. Tell that to Beethoven and he'll kick your ass!

Did you see The Never-Ending Story? That's one kick-ass dragon. It's basically a giant puppy dragon.

I don't know anything about you, so when you randomly come up and grab my ass, this isn't a friend doing it. It's like, "Who the f### is doing...? I was not expecting that."

Why you got your ass on your shoulders?

McCartney! Haven't met him and haven't played with him. I would LOVE to. He needs to make a kick-ass rockabilly record.

Take your ass to the barber shop. Tell the barber that you're sick of looking like an asshole.

The ass will carry his load, but not a double load; ride not a free horse to death.

I think the American public wants a solemn ass as a president, and I think I'll go along with them.

Fortunately, I knew the cardinal rule of getting on with one's fellow cooks. It applies in any kitchen and can be summed up in two short words: bust ass.

You better give your soul to the Lord, because the rest of your scrawny ass, will belong to me!

You should get a glass stomach. That way you won't have to worry about pulling your head out of your ass!

If life turns her back on you, grab her ass.

Love with your mouth shut, help without breaking your ass or publicizing it: keep cool, but care.

There will always be haters out there, but my haters motivate me to push harder and kick more ass.

For often at Church I've seen the stained high glass Pour out the Virgin and Saints, twist and untwist The mortal youth of Christ astride an ass.

If you got up on the bandstand at Minton's and couldn't play, you were not only going to be embarrassed by the people ignoring you or booing you, you might get your ass kicked.

If you're going to do something, strive to do it better than anyone else. Do it all the way. If you're going to half-ass it, why bother?

I tried football and got my ass beat. I tried baseball, and the ball knocked out one of my teeth.

While you're saving your face, you're losing your ass.

You can take charge, kick ass, do whatever you have to do and it's okay. You can blow people up. These are things that are okay for cartoon characters to do.

They say, he must had an angel, cuss look how death missed his ass. Unbreakable, what you thought they'd call me Mr. Glass?

Sit a man on his ass with nothing to do but eat and the first thing that goes is his mind. It never fails.