Top 505 Witty One Liners Quotes & Sayings

If you go on the Internet and type in 'Lee Ryan one liners,' I think I'm on par with Gandhi.

I don't do one-liners, because you don't learn anything about that comedian.

I like witty people, people who can be witty on the spot.

One-liners that must land perfectly in just the right nanosecond can be terrifying.

Donald [Trump], is great at - at the one-liners, but he's a chaos candidate.

I don't think I'm a witty person. To me, a witty person is a funny person who is also a smart person. My friend David Rakoff, who died a few years ago, he was a witty person. Fran Lebowitz is a witty person. I don't think there are that many witty people around, so you tend to notice them when they do come around. I don't consider myself to be that.

Cathedrals, luxury liners laden with souls, Holding to the east their hulls of stone.

Old Madame du Deffand and her friends talked for fifty years without stopping. And of it all, what remains? Perhaps three witty sayings. So that we are at liberty to suppose either that nothing was said, or that nothing witty was said, or that the fraction of three witty sayings lasted eighteen thousand two hundred and fifty nights, which does not leave a liberal allowance of wit for any one of them.

Lord, thy one-liners are as good as thy tricks. Thou art indeed an all-round family entertainer.

I'm not witty.

Jesus was a brilliant Jewish stand-up comedian, a phenomenal improviser. His parables are great one-liners.

For other comics, it's about full-spectrum dominance, being on panel shows and having one-liners and being a good chat show guest and having a good seven minutes you can do on 'Live At The Apollo.' But I really think about these subsequent finished pieces, you know? And they don't always chop up well into one-liners and routines.

I'm slightly obsessed with drag queens and performers. Their quips and their one-liners, their style, their singing... I find it fascinating. And thoroughly entertaining. I'd love to play one.

Home Depot knows 'the more they help, the more they sell'-oh by the way, for the 'bottom liners' who disagree-it's also vice-versa.

I can't just say the words, do a lot of one-liners. I love each person I play; I have to be that person. I have to do him true.

I became a specialist at comedic one-liners.

If you're playing things sincere in a really absurd, heightened situation, you'll achieve comedy as opposed to just saying funny lines and one-liners and stuff.

From the food to the Mardi Gras Indians to the brass bands and the second liners parading through the street, Jazz Fest presents New Orleans in one place.

My commentary's hilarious, not witty.

I'm not saying that charming, witty and warm copy won't sell. I'm just saying I've seen thousands of charming, witty campaigns that didn't sell.

Twitter is basically just writing a bunch of one-liners - it's a short form or whatever.

I was trying to do one-liners and it took me years to realise I just had to be myself. My fear was if I was myself and no one found it funny, I'd have nowhere left to go.

A witty woman is a treasure; a witty beauty is a power.

I love eye makeup. I really like doing a cat eye, playing with liquid liners and different colors of liners, like emerald and deep blues, combining them with black.

New Year's resolution: To refrain from saying witty, unkind things, unless they are really witty and irreparably damaging.

I always love it whenever Rose delivers one of her witty one-liners—particularly when it’s a completely serious situation. The contrast always amuses me, but then, I’m biased.

High-concept one-liners were huge when I got my start in the film industry.

My parents have always had a great sense of humor. And I really appreciate good humor in songs, witty lyrics that sneak up on you and then you listen again, and say: 'That's so funny.' John Prine's songs have always had this really witty tone.

The humorous story is American, the comic story is English, the witty story is French. The humorous story depends for its effect upon the manner of the telling;the comic and the witty story upon the matter.

The S.S. Sierra was a ten-thousand-ton vessel. Today, lifeboats bigger than the Sierra are found on the Queen Mary and other luxury liners.

President Reagan's one-liners were terrific.

Just play the moment, that's the fun of it. You just play the moment. It's great writing and very clever writing, I think it's witty. And I have those great clothes. You have a great, witty, intelligent script and you look like a million dollars, because we have a great costumer, and it's a pretty good place to begin.

If you do weave one-liners into a story, you have to have an overall story as well, otherwise it doesn't really count as narrative.

Nobody expects girls to do something smart or give one liners in a film.

I'm not too keen on jokes that are one-liners. I want the situation to be funny.

Tired people aren't witty

Twitter is comedy writing. It's one-liners that give way to fully fleshed-out thoughts.

I definitely still like writing one-liners, but I also think that I've changed a lot in that I've allowed myself freedom to grow.

I was not a witty girl.

I think brilliant stuff comes out of working with limitations. One liners are very limiting, but that's what drew me to them in the first place.

I think Twitter is kind of fun, it's not deep and it never will be, but it's a great way to communicate one-liners and to sort of see what people are laughing about. It's a terrific source of misinformation.

Donald Trump is great at the one-liners, but he's a chaos candidate and he'd be a chaos president. He would not be the commander in chief we need to keep our country safe.

You may be witty, but not satirical.

When I was in high school I saw Steven Wright, a brilliant one-liner comedian, and I thought: 'That's what I should do; I should write one-liners.' And I did. My first album is mostly one-liners.

It looks to me as if Darwinians are like someone who, having observed that tugboats sometimes maneuver ocean liners in tight places by directing high-pressure streams of water at them, concludes that he has discovered the method by which the liners cross the Atlantic.

My lines are witty in nature and I love to be surrounded by people who are witty.

I'm not an evangelical, because that means that I exclude the Catholics and main-liners, and Orthodox.

I've gone through several cycles. When I was little, I was the cute kid with missing teeth and funny one-liners. Then I moved on to be the young guy who wanted to be a grownup.

It hurts me not to be able to communicate like I used to. I used to be pretty good at coming back, you know, quick one-liners.

In my view, the pro-life movement at this point should focus on seeking to reduce the number of abortions. At times it will require political education and legal fights, at times it will require education and the establishment of alternatives to abortion, such as adoption centers. Unfortunately, such measures are sometimes opposed by so-called hard-liners in the pro-life movement. These hard-liners are fools. Because they want to outlaw all abortions, they refuse to settle for stopping some abortions; the consequence is that they end up preventing no abortions.

I like lip liners over lipsticks. I have so many of them from so many different brands, so I just pick the color that works.

My career will come full cycle one day when I play the father of a cute little kid missing teeth who spouts one-liners.

Endeavors that help me satisfy you, my goddess of desire, pleasure, and corny one-liners.

Geniuses are like ocean liners: they should never meet.

People's expectations of what I'm capable of doing are very low. People have been used to hearing little one-liners and me play around.

Small wastebasket liners, $1.17 ... tall wastebasket liners, $2.29 ... garbage can liners, $3.98 ... I think I just spent $7.44 buying something I'm going to throw away.

No, sir, I'm not saying that charming, witty and warm copy won't sell. I'm just saying I've seen thousands of charming, witty campaigns that didn't sell.

Comedy ages quicker than tragedy, to the extent that we can't know if the 10 commandments may originally have been 10 hilarious one-liners.

People that do "bits" and "jokes" or "one-liners" are going by the wayside.

For years, I've worn my dainty gold bracelets with inspirational sayings and encouraging one-liners to motivate me in my career. I liked to look down at my wrist and be reminded of my goals.