A Quote by Mj Rodriguez
It was me that was holding myself back because I felt like I had to fit into this mold of what people want to see.
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When I was younger, I didn't want to come to WWE because I didn't fit into the mold. I couldn't identify myself with the term 'diva.' The divas brand was meant to put a spotlight on the women, but the term, to me, felt more glamorous than me.
I always say I never felt 'latched' to a gender. I just kind of always felt like myself, and I never felt like I had to do certain things or be a certain way to fit into a certain mold.
I remember crying all the time. My major thing growing up was I couldn't fit in. Because I was from everywhere, I didn't have no buddies that I grew up with...Every time I had to go to a new apartment, I had to reinvent myself, myself. People think just because you born in the ghetto you gonna fit in. A little twist in your life and you don't fit in no matter what. If they push you out of the hood and the White people's world, that's criminal...Hell, I felt like my could be destroyed at any moment.
The fact that I am able to put myself out there in this age of social media and YouTube is really a gift to someone who never felt like I fit into any particular mold. One of the reasons people are responding to it is because it is coming from a pure place.
For a long time when I was working to get a job and in OVW to create an image to get hired by WWE, they kept saying, 'we're looking for the next Trish Stratus. We want that look - that beautiful, feminine fitness model that kicks butt, and you just don't fit the mold.' That was holding me back for so long.
I felt free once I realized I was never going to fit the narrow mold society wanted me to fit in.
I felt free, once I realized i was never going to fit the narrow mold that society wanted me to fit in.
I never liked feeling like the world needed to have labels on everything, whether it's people or categories of music. I think everyone should be what they want to be, and you shouldn't have to look a certain way in order to fit this mold or that mold.
As I stepped out to face myself in the mirror, reaching a hand to smooth away the steam, I saw myself differently. It was as if I had grown again as I slept, but this time just to fit my own size. As if my soul had expanded, filling out the gaps of the height that had burdened me all these months. Like a balloon filling slowly with air, becoming all smooth and buoyant, I felt like I finally fit within myself, edge to edge, every crevice filled.
A lot of people write in to me and say that they feel like The Uni-verse has abandoned them. Now, that is a very interesting story. There are some times where we are meant to be lost or confused. I had a long period in my life that felt like a holding pattern - it felt like stasis. But what was happening during that time was I was getting stronger on the inside. And that is change you can't SEE right away.
As things grew for me I felt like I was losing myself and wanted to stay true to myself as well. I didn't want to lose any connection I had with the audience. I felt small on a big stage and I felt like I was peaking generically to an audience.
Like the guy I was dating. White, liberal, educated. I went to meet his family and I think that they probably didn't know they had a problem with it until he walked in with me. And they definitely had issues. Mom had issues with it. Could not, didn't want to see her son. And I don't think she had anything against me. But it was about her son bringing me home. And I felt that for the first time. I was like, 'Wow, that's deep.' It's really simple: I don't fit their picture.
I tried to be really tough when I was younger. I felt I had to stand up for myself. I never felt like I fit in.
Food brings back memories. I had a mom that wasn't a good cook, so I would eat my grandma's food. It was amazing because it brings back a time almost in Technicolor. I see her house, I see her stove; I think about what it felt like when I was sick, and it felt like love.
I grew up never seeing myself on-screen, and it's really important to me to give people who look like me a chance to see themselves. I want to see myself as the hero of any story. I want to see myself save the world from the bomb.
What's holding me up is I'm confused about the nature of the music. Because the modern music doesn't reach me. I mean to say the sound of the modern electric production. A lot of sequencers... synths. That's what people are buying. Because that doesn't reach me, it throws me back to like 1948, but I don't want to be there. Back there, I'm talking about blues records... The roots of rock'n'roll is rhythm and blues and that's like really where I'm at, where I was always at.
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