A Quote by Stephen Colbert

I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig. — © Stephen Colbert
I can't be gay! I'm a happily married conservative, just like Ted Haggard and Larry Craig.
Reverend Ted Haggard's followers still think he's not gay. I'm not kidding. In their world, there are no gay people. There are just straight people who are sinning. They don't want to do it, but the Devil makes them! He targets people like Reverend Ted. That's how it happened. The Devil got hold of Reverend Ted, and Ted said, 'Get thee behind me, Satan! And put it in, gently'.
New Rule: There is no devil, so stop blaming your screw-ups on him. Last week, one of the biggest evangelical leaders in America, the Reverend Ted Haggard, was outed for drugs and extramarital gay sex with a male prostitute. Or as Fox News reported it, 'John Kerry hates our troops'.
Personally, I'd be delighted to live in a country where happily married gay couples had closets full of assault weapons.
There's no need to legalize gay marriage. I have plenty of gay friends who are committed couples; some of them call themselves married, some don't, but their friends treat them as married. Anybody who doesn't like it just doesn't hang out with them.
I'm delighted that gay people want to get married and I say why not! It's nobody's business and I would happily give my blessing.
I think it's just too kinda juicy and compelling to imagine people in their private lives, but then half the time people's private lives are just so much more bizarre and Ted Haggard-like than you could ever imagine. It's almost hard to write fiction anymore.
I'm delighted that gay people now want to get married and I say why not! It's nobody's business and I would happily give my blessing.
You all right, man?' This should be my name. I could be like a super hero: You All Right Man. Ah...' I stumble. Don't bug Craig,' Ronny is like. 'He's in the Craig zone. He's Craig-ing out.
We call upon you to let your "happily-married" light shine. Happily marrieds are not "perfect marrieds," but they have learned some of what it takes to create happiness in marriage. We encourage you to find ways to let people know that you love being married! Let those who are not yet married know that the adventure of marriage is worth the effort - that the rewards are worth the price!
I think my brand of country music is that's been influenced by not just the rough-stock rodeo side or Ted Nugent's "let's get crazy style", but also the stand-up and sing style's like George Strait and Merle Haggard, and also the wild side of Chris Ledoux
Of all the four major sports, whether you like Ted Williams, Carl Yastrzemski, maybe you like Bobby Orr, or you like Larry Bird or Tom Brady - Bill Russell is the greatest athlete to play in Boston.
I'm for gay marriage. I've been married for 14 years. Marriage is not for everybody, it's not easy and divorce is there for a reason. If a gay person wants to get married, get married.
OK, so my parents were married in 1955 and my mom knew my dad was gay and my dad knew he was gay and so I was, like, 'Why in the heck did you get married?' Like, what was going on? What was that time? It's like this crazy paradox that my whole life is based on, or my family's based on. So I spent a lot of time trying to understand '55.
In Hollywood especially, if you're gay and conservative, it's worse to be a conservative in the gay community than it is to be a conservative in Hollywood.
I feel like marriage is a sacred institution that should only be between a man and a woman. If a gay couple wants to be married, why can't they just be satisfied with a civil union? Why do they have to get "married"?
I'm not getting married until gay people can get married. Because I'm gay.
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