Top 1200 Inside Jokes Quotes & Sayings - Page 20

Spare me therefore, your good intentions, your inner sensitivities, your unarticulated and unexpressed love. And spare me also these tedious psycho-historians which, by exposing the goodness inside the bad man, and the evil in the good-invariably establish a vulgar and perverse egalitarianism, as if the arrangement of what is outside and what inside makes no moral difference.

Sometimes, comedy and entertainment is not all about telling jokes; sometimes you just have to be you for a few moments.

There's no harm in talking to yourself, but try to avoid telling yourself jokes you've heard before.

People make jokes about how black people are the first ones to be killed off.

If you'll notice, we don't have any real out and out jokes on 'Hogan.' Basically the program is drama.

Listen to this, Nimit. Follow Coleman Hawkins' improvised lines very carefully. He is using them to tell us something. Pay very close attention. He is telling us the story of the free spirit that is doing everything it can to escape from within him. That same kind of spirit is inside me, inside you. There-you can hear it, I'm sure: the hot breath, the shivering heart. (Thailand)

What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.

You can never have a thousand percent batting average on jokes - it's just never going to happen.

There are actual communication systems being built to enable eye surgeons to get inside the eye, and vascular surgeons to get inside the arteries. You could see a social reaction in which people would want to regulate this technology because they are threatened by it, and thereby cause a lot of harm. There are several scenarios that are happening at once. The other scenario is that the Japanese are going for this in a big way.

We live inside too much. We live inside and we have square thoughts and square ideas because we live in square houses. Our lives are colored by our environments. Our attention fields are colored by it.

It's much easier to make jokes about sensitive issues if there is some dissent, some conflict.

When you're doing standup, it's just you. It's your written jokes. You perform it however your personality is.

Never, never tell jokes about a man with easy access to weapons of mass destruction.

In Milwaukee last month a man died laughing over one of his own jokes. That's what makes it so tough for us outsiders. We have to fight home competition.

I understand what a normal political speech is. You get up there, tell a few jokes, you have the flags behind you, and you speak for 10 or 15 minutes in broad generalities.

Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'

I like proper jokes. I don't like people who get applause because the audience agree with them.

When I make a book, I make it for the child and not for the parent - no jokes in it for the parents!

As long as I could hold a pencil, I was drawing and telling stories and making jokes. I've just been lucky that no one ever stopped me, and now I can do that for a living.

My Instagram got deleted a lot of times. I used to do rough jokes and curse a lot.

I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes.

My job as the host of a rock awards show is not to be as divisive as possible, but certainly you want to be able to interject your jokes and how you feel about stuff.

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

One thing House needs Wilson for is vanity. He needs someone to laugh at his jokes.

It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.

I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes.

If I'm laughing, you know I'm either very happy or very sad. I cope with things with jokes.

I initially signed up for Twitter just to do jokes I wasn't going to do in my stand-up routine.

Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.

I have a no-apology policy. No apologies for jokes. I apologize in my real life all the time. I say ridiculous things, I make mistakes constantly. But when I'm on stage, I'm at a microphone... it's a joke!

Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.

Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.

So many comics, skinny and fat, make fat jokes.

I'm very protective of my material. And you have to be, because it's very easy for people just to steal jokes.

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad.

All of my stuff is based on personal stories to back up my arguments. It's not a lecture, it's still comedy. I think a lot of comics forget that you can have a theme but that it shouldn't replace the jokes.

I took my girl to dinner, and she laughed so hard at one of my jokes that she dropped her tray.

I think of myself as a comedian who has the pleasure of writing jokes about things that I actually care about.

I'm obsessed with reality TV anyway - I use my knowledge of that stuff to make jokes on Twitter and Facebook to get more people to sign up to be fans.

I crack jokes all the time. Even when I have a fight, I will make a joke, and people will laugh.

You know, Aunt Tasha makes jokes about how you?d actually be a better queen than the others, except sometimes . . . I don?t think she?s joking.

It's way more fun to tell jokes for an hour than it is to sit in a room and bash your head against the wall trying to think of sketches.

I reserve the right to tell shaggy dog stories or even common jokes as part of what I'm doing. I don't give a damn if half the audience walks out.

And now I was seeing that there was something really cool about that family. All of them. They were just...real. And who were we? There was something spinning wickedly out of control inside this house. It was like seeing inside the Baker's world had opened up windows into our own, and the view was not a pretty one. Where had all this stuff come from? And why hadn't I ever seen it before.

I have a box inside me now that never used to exist. I never needed it before. It's down in my deepest, darkest corner, and it's airtight, soundproofed and padlocked. It's where I keep the thoughts I don't know what to do with, that could get me into trouble. Eating Unseelie hammers on the inside of that lid incessantly. I try to keep kissing Barrons in that box, too, but it gets out sometimes.

The funniest jokes you know aren't from comics but relatives, friends - from your life. That's the funniest stuff.

The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change. They stay the way they were in the past.

Everyone has a sense of humor. If you don't laugh at jokes, you probably laugh at opinions

sarcasm and jokes were often the bottle in which clinical depressives sent out their most plangent screams for someone to care and help them.

I've got foundation jokes, the ones that got me where I am, so everything I do just builds on top of that.

With the wacky jokes that we do on 'Great News,' you do overall still want to be coming from a place of truth with your character because, otherwise, it's just off the walls.

Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee, and I'll forgive Thy great big joke on me.

A comedian is someone who tells the truth. Truth is the set of all jokes told by all comedians in the world.

I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry.

I have always gravitated toward levity and my parents; I'm sure they have a VHS tape of me when I'm making jokes and trying to make faces when the family was taking a picture.

Comedy, at least the way I write comedy, is just drama with jokes.

Comedians dissect jokes all the time. Comedians are beautiful structuralists. But ultimately it's an athletic endeavor.

I know what you're thinking: why is Chris Rock bagging groceries? But I dropped out of high school in the tenth grade, so if I couldn't tell jokes this is exactly what I'd be doing.

Like, if you see my show, my jokes are much longer and they're just like, I'm going with the vibe.

I never get tired of 'It Was A Good Day' references or jokes or anything like that. It's just, you know, keeping my biggest hit alive. Nothing wrong with that.