Top 1200 Old Jokes Quotes & Sayings - Page 20

Comedians dissect jokes all the time. Comedians are beautiful structuralists. But ultimately it's an athletic endeavor.

I grow old, I grow old, the center will not fold. In youth I had hardening of the categories and looked for the father and the mother in every lover. Then I cracked. Then I fragmented. Then the old man in my soul found the god in herself, not in some Jungian fairy tale but in the flesh that fell from the bones and the words that came into my mouth when the look went out of their eyes.

Nobody can write better jokes putting me down than me.

I'm very protective of my material. And you have to be, because it's very easy for people just to steal jokes.

All I care about is making jokes that are funny and making people laugh.

I was the kid who always hung back and then dropped the jokes when you least expected it. Timing was everything. My mouth sort of developed over time.

I grew up in an environment of jokes and sarcasm and puns. I talk that way, so I write that way.

There was laughter in the back of the theater, leading to the belief that someone was telling jokes back there.

Like, if you see my show, my jokes are much longer and they're just like, I'm going with the vibe.

What I say is stupid. Who takes a comedian seriously? I'm doing sophisticated knock-knock jokes.

Sometimes, comedy and entertainment is not all about telling jokes; sometimes you just have to be you for a few moments.

Being on stage, telling jokes and telling stories is where I feel the most at home.

A loyal friend laughs at your jokes when they're not so good, and sympathizes with your problems when they're not so bad.

Sooner or later the world will have to return to the good old days when we fought wars and killed people the old-fashioned way, one at a time.

Fat jokes to me are always, always hilarious, as long as they're done towards yourself.

I am the illegal alien of commentary. I will do the jokes that no one else will do.

I've got foundation jokes, the ones that got me where I am, so everything I do just builds on top of that.

I initially signed up for Twitter just to do jokes I wasn't going to do in my stand-up routine.

A birthday is a good time to begin a new; throwing away the old habits, as you would old clothes, and never putting them again.

Anything where I get to write a lot of jokes and have a lot of creative control - that's all I want.

I don't consider myself a comedian because I don't really concern myself too much with jokes.

Old elephants limp off to the hills to die; old Americans go out to the highway and drive themselves to death with huge cars.

A mimicry artiste should be spontaneous and he should be able to crack jokes on the spot.

The early Church had nothing but the Old Testament. The New Testament lies hidden in the Old; the Old Testament lies open in the New.

I don't like long jokes. I like stories rather than setup punchlines.

I think people like musicals. And when done with a modern comedic sensibility, musical comedy can be the most efficient delivery of both storytelling and jokes.

People make jokes about how black people are the first ones to be killed off.

The best jokes are dangerous, and dangerous because they are in some way truthful.

I like to create stuff. I like to express myself through jokes.

I have one car that works; it's fast and safe: an Audi 5. And I have two old cars that never work: an old Peugeot convertible, and an Alfa Romeo Giulia.

I love life in spite of all that mars it. I love friendship, jokes and laughter.

The funniest jokes you know aren't from comics but relatives, friends - from your life. That's the funniest stuff.

When you're doing standup, it's just you. It's your written jokes. You perform it however your personality is.

You can never have a thousand percent batting average on jokes - it's just never going to happen.

Jay Leno told me once, 'Don't do jokes about things you don't know about.'

Nobody who loved life and new experiences that much was ever going to get old, not really. Wiser and eventually dead, maybe, but not old.

One thing House needs Wilson for is vanity. He needs someone to laugh at his jokes.

I guess they're tough jokes. But there's lots of things you either laugh or cry at. And you just can't cry.

If you'll notice, we don't have any real out and out jokes on 'Hogan.' Basically the program is drama.

Specifically in stand-up, I love jokes. I love short, structured ideas and a punchline.

Only the old are innocent. That is what the Victorians understood, and the Christians. Original sin is a property of the young. The old grow beyond corruption very quickly.

I wanted to make '13 Assassins' in the old manner, to use old techniques and not to rely on modern-day ones such as CGI, or editing that changes the speed.

Research material can turn up anywhere - in a dusty old letter in an archive, a journal or some old photographs you find in a charity shop.

I have never fully exorcised shames that struck me to the heart as a child except through written violence, shadowy caricature, and dark jokes.

I think comedy has evolved like every art form, and people probably do less standing around and telling jokes, and more things that have to do with reality.

You can make a movie that's more focused on the jokes, but Young Adult was not that kind of movie.

It is requisite for the relaxation of the mind that we make use, from time to time, of playful deeds and jokes.

My Instagram got deleted a lot of times. I used to do rough jokes and curse a lot.

A comedian is someone who tells the truth. Truth is the set of all jokes told by all comedians in the world.

Comedy, at least the way I write comedy, is just drama with jokes.

What does it mean for a civilisation to be a million years old? We have had radio telescopes and spaceships for a few decades; our technical civilisation is a few hundred years old ... an advanced civilisation millions of years old is as much beyond us as we are beyond a bushbaby or a macaque

Humor is not a trick, not jokes. Humor is a presence in the world - like grace - and shines on everybody.

There's no harm in talking to yourself, but try to avoid telling yourself jokes you've heard before.

The people that become the biggest jokes are people who do not change. They stay the way they were in the past.

Even though we now have the half-century-old new Constitution, there is a popular sentiment of support for the old one that lives on in reality in some quarters.

Overseas, language barriers keep me from doing a lot of talking and some of the jokes that I think are funny and they're like crickets. I have to sharpen up on that.

I'm always ready for TV. I don't have to edit my jokes - when you work clean, you can work anywhere.

It doesn't matter how old I get, I always act like an excited five year-old kid with severe ADD and a waddle at Disneyland.

I don't consider myself a comic but a performer. A comic tells bad jokes.

If I'm laughing, you know I'm either very happy or very sad. I cope with things with jokes.